Newsletter Articles

Winter 2003

• Joyce Silverstone on home retreat

• A Retreat in the Midst of Life by Kate Hart

• Notes from the Holiday Community Gathering

Spring 2002

• Conversation with Kate and Mark Hart

• A Letter from the Treasurer

• Book Review by Bob Stover

• On Building Community

Winter 2001

• Reflections on Community by Kate Hart

• Youth Program News by Susan Redditt

Kate and I started our 10 day home retreat here in our living room, families all around, wishing us well.  Kate and I wanted to practice being mindful in all our activities, and to meditate together at the beginning and end of each day, and as much as we could during our week.  Having Kate to talk with, to cook for, to keep to the practice with, gave me support and happiness.  I changed the pattern of my week by giving up reading books and using any found time to meditate.  I have a habit of reading to get away from my own thoughts and experiences.  To be mindful instead, to pay attention to my sensations or to breathing, gave me more time to be engaged, actively engaged- sometimes doing battle with the judges and inner forces that take me away from my experience.  This didn’t’ feel like a “retreat.”  I felt a conscious effort to go forward into noticing and sensing.  This was a subtle surprise within the week- I felt engaged, happy and sensuous.  This was not about time alone or withdrawing to be with myself.  

Kate shared a book with me before our home retreat began:  Knee Deep in Grace,  about the life of Dipa Ma, by Amy Schmidt.  Dipa Ma was an inspired teacher and meditation master, whose clear instruction guided us all week.  She is a patron-saint to householders.  

I returned to Dipa Ma’s simple instructions for meditation throughout the week.  On the evening of the first day of our retreat her words “feel the breath” or “feel the touch of the breath” became an awareness of a gentle presence.  Like a hand stroking my heart-lung-inner passage with a continuous sensation, like I was a little child.  Similar to the feeling of attention I give our beloved dog when she is resting, stroking her rising and falling breathing, body, deliciously calm.  I thought, “Oh- this is what’s here, always here if I could only pay attention or stop judging.”  I felt Dipa Ma had touched me where I breathe.  

On our last Sunday sitting together, the sun was going in and out, behind fast clouds and breaking open warm bright light, changing the meditation each time.  One of those moments I had a feeling-sense that Dipa Ma was bowing low to the right of my cushion.  When she bowed, warm intense light poured over me.  “If you could just be out of the way, bow out, bow down, this is what there is,” –this powerful expanse of light.  I was given a taste of no longer blocking my real experience with a structure of who I think I am or should be, just light, warmth, and presence.  

The retreat time is over, and practicing each day is easier now.  I’m grateful for Kate who made this possible- she was always interested and eager to sit, to practice, and to share her experience.  Her steadiness and love was inspiring.  Let’s do more home retreats!

To “rest in the moment” was my intention going into a home retreat for 8 days with my friend and neighbor, Joyce Silverstone.  We were to go through our “normal” lives as householders, mothers, partners, and working women while practicing mindfulness.  We would attempt to encase each of our days with a morning and evening sitting meditation…sometimes as early as 6:00 AM and sometimes as late as 10:00 PM .  We would use any free time during the week to sit or walk mindfully together.  And as much as possible, we would practice mindfulness during the in between activities.  

There were several times in the week that I knew I was “resting in the moment.”  I knew by how I felt in my body…relaxed and at home.  One of the first memorable times I recall the sense of “resting in the moment” was when I was putting my daughter Annie to bed.  I sat in her dark bedroom noticing her presence, her scent, and the sensations of my body.  I wasn’t thinking about what I had done that day, or what I was to do the next day…I was right there with her.  I felt relaxed and content.  Somehow Annie knew something unusual was happening with me.  She leaned on me.  “I love you, mommy,” she said in a voice that told me she felt what she was saying.  No need to respond, just to hear those words and feel her love for me.  

Then there was work.  Resting in the moment came less easily.  I am a medical social worker in a small acute care hospital.  It seems there is often more work than I can do.  I have to keep several goals in my mind at one time, and I frequently face emotionally difficult situations. The first day of work I noted how very few times I was able to be mindful.  I had some thoughts going through my head such as “You really are not a very skilled meditator.”  I reported in to Joyce that evening and when I saw my experience through her eyes, I felt more trustful and less judgmental.  

The second work day I decided ahead of time that I would aim for 1 minute of meditation per hour.   (I would stare at my notebook…only I knew what was really going on!)  I also picked a particular hallway in which I would attempt to feel my feet on the floor.  I did have moments of resting that day (brief as they were).  I enjoyed my feet on the floor and my breath flowing through my body.  

Another activity for me this week was being a chaperone on my son’s 5^th and 6^th grade class trip to New York City .  There were 96 students and parents on two buses.  I found the Metropolitan Museum of Art to be a great place to do walking meditation.  Shopping on Fifth Avenue and at FAO Schwartz, however, did not lend themselves quite as well to pleasant sensations.  I noted fatigue and aversion several times!  

The final full day of meditation took place after the NYC trip.  Needless to say my concentration was markedly lower, and I learned that day how to sleep sitting upright on my meditation cushion.  For a full day!  The good news is that I just noted it without (much) judgement.   

Our retreat was to end the following morning with a final sitting.  As I approached the cushion in our peaceful, little room one last time, I felt ready to end on a good note. I was alert and was prepared to just enjoy my breath.  But when our sitting ended I realized I hardly had been aware of anything!   Joyce and I ended with a check in.  I felt unsettled, doubtful, and insecure.  “This is not how I wanted it to end,” I said.  “I guess I feel disappointed.  I slept all day yesterday, and now for the final sitting, I hardly noticed my breath.  But what can I do, keep sitting until I get it right?”  

“Well,” Joyce said.  “We could keep sitting today.  I would be happy with that.”  Or we could just sit right now with what is happening for you…your disappointment.”  

As soon as she said that, I felt tears come to my eyes.  “Sitting with my disappointment.”  Why did that make me want to cry?  Somehow I knew it was what I needed to do, and I felt grateful to Joyce for offering it.  We sat for 10 more minutes as I quietly cried. I was seeing my experience of disappointment rather than judging it.  It’s just disappointment.  And it is okay.  I ended feeling light, relaxed and present.  I was resting in the moment again.   

As I reflect back on the retreat, I realize a theme for me was judgement and trust.  I experienced judgment taking me away from myself, away from “resting in the moment.”  I experienced trust as a connection with my experience. Mindfulness can uncover judgement, and in my case this week, Joyce’s trusting presence facilitated that.  During our final meditation my judging mind was undermining me saying, “You should be enjoying this last sit…don’t be disappointed!“ Joyce’s comment instantly shed light on the judging of my experience.  “We could sit with your disappointment.”  She saw and accepted my disappointment which immediately connected to my experience once again.  The disconnection caused by the judging mind was revealed, and the connection created by trusting my experience was felt.  The transformation was obvious on a physical level.  I went from feeling unsettled in my body to feeling at home within seconds.  

Our retreat is now over.  Coming out of it has not been an issue for me as it can be coming out of a “real retreat” (or maybe I should say “artificial!”).  I am not feeling aversion to all the distractions and stimulation which are part of my life, because I didn’t leave them in the first place.  I look forward to the next retreat, but in the meantime I will be awaiting those moments of rest, which I know can be experienced at work, in NYC, or with my family.

If you would like to talk further with Kate or Joyce about their retreat, please contact Kate at kateh@crocker.com.

On Thursday, December 12, 2002 , Bodhisara members came together to share, thoughts, ideas and words on the theme of bringing light to a dark time. Of course, that was only the formally stated reason.  Each person’s cultural and personal expectations may have shaped a slightly different message, such as:  “Sharing pie and other delicious deserts in a sweets-eating season.” or “Sharing optimism in a politically grim season.” or  “Sharing something non-commerical in a gift buying season.” or “Sharing a warm living room in a snow-frozen season.” or “Sharing something Buddhist in a culturally non-Buddhist season.” or “Sharing something neighborly in a family burrowing and hibernation season.” or “Sharing something relaxing in a busy season.”  

People took turns sharing remembrances of some of the highlights of what they derived from their connection to Bodhisara and to mediation during the previous year.  

The evening began with a short group meditation.

A video documenting the participation of young people at the community gatherings reflections on teachings was shown. It addressed the questions of “What is/is not respectful?”  and “What have we (young people) done at the Bodhisara community gatherings. The video was  edited by Scot Broderick.  The video had a spirit of candor and humor and honesty. It was moving to see kids addressing spiritual questions with “no big deal” sincerity. They said their names while doing cartwheels or smiling and described things that they did, such as: “We did a lot of drawing and last year, I think, we made muffins or something.” and  “We folded and put into envelopes, these letters, I don’t know what they were about.” In spite of this, they also spoke sincerely about the question of “What is/is not respectful?”  

Here is a partial summary of some of the things that were shared during the talking circle:

Lee Paddy spoke about her thoughts about a pet, her cat, and how she was watching him get ready to pass on.

Mark Hart talked about how (despite initial reluctance) he came to accept and then love the new family dog that greeted him when he came home from a meditation retreat.

Olivia Bernard read from a book called Life Prayers. . .by Ann Hillman.  

Suzanne Lyon related a story about how her daughter had been able to take on a sophisticated emotional understanding in dealing with the arrival of a new sister as she was able to use a phrase she had heard at a community gathering talk “listening to your heart”. Suzanne concluded with a statement of gratitude that the gatherings gave her family a way to talk about something difficulty.

Kate Hart spoke of her gratitude towards a friend and friends’ family --a friendship that was a fruit of the shared community that the families had participated in.  

Amy Kahn reflected on her gratitude having found a community and place to experience and learn to feel greater equanimity. She was specifically grateful to Mark as a teacher for helping to invite her back to regular meditation. She also cited a book called Heart Menders.

Joyce Silverstone brought a poem about awareness and the awakening a sense of emotion in the body, “The Lives of the Heart,” by Jane Hirshfeld.

Michael Silverstone, (yr. humble svnt.)  reflected on the rewards for an avowed non-meditator in taking part in a meditation community,  in particular the opportunity to co-create a coming of age ceremony for Louie Silverstone with Mark and others, the summer poetry series, and the good company of fellow travelers.

The evening ended with a dessert potluck featuring pumpkin pie, apple ginger blackberry pie, chocolate mousse pie, cookies, and other less carbohydrate-dense foods that have since receded into obscurity. Then, singly and in groups, people bid goodnight to our hosts and the fellowship of the hearth and got into their carriages and set off with their horses clopping down on the frozen roadway exhaling steam into the starry cold night.

Helping to bring about the Bodhisàra Dharma Community has been a shared goal of many people. Two that have played a particularly central role are Mark and Kate Hart. Kate suggests that the work that she and Mark and others have been doing for the last six years has been like weaving - taking threads that exist and helping to combine them into the fabric of community. With an appreciative irony, Mark describes how his highest non-ambitions have finally begun to be realized, that he and Kate aren’t so needed as they once were and that other members of the community are stepping forward with leadership and their own direction and initiative. In recent months, volunteers have helped run children’s programs at the community gatherings, helped publish and distribute this newsletter, established and published a website, founded a Buddhist Peace Fellowship, and established a tape library. They have also helped raise the beginning of a modest housing allowance to support and help sustain Mark in his work on behalf of Bodhisàra. In mid-February, they sat down to a conversation in which they reflected on how Bodhisàra originated, where it stands now, and what it might become.  

MH: It was Kate’s idea really. I had a psychotherapy practice that was nearly full time. I was also teaching classes at Seattle University in the religion department.  I had also begun to give meditation classes. It was a lot, and I became ill will Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome and needed a break from more than full-time work. Kate at one point asked me what I thought intuitively would make me well again. I said without hesitation, "to devote my life to meditation and teaching the Dharma."  I had felt for years a calling to do this, but I had dismissed it as impractical and far-fetched. Illness made the unimaginable worth imagining.  Kate set about trying to figure out how to make it work for me. We were walking in Carkeek Park in Seattle one day when the idea of taking a two-year "family sabbatical" to Massachusetts (where Kate grew up) was first kicked around.  I could not work, get healthy, and most importantly, spend two years practicing meditation intensively at Insight Meditation Society (a retreat center in Barre, MA) and at home.  It sounded outrageous, rather extreme, but then a week later we looked at each other across the table and said, “We’re going to do this, aren’t we?”  

KH: I think this started because part of Mark felt left out of the meditation world when we had [their son] Sam. In the U.S. , it’s generally not part of the culture, or at least American Buddhist subculture, for people with children to practice meditation fully. It tends to be for people who are done with their child-rearing responsibilities, or never had them.  

KH: My parents very generously said, “If you come back here, we’ll help with the childcare.” We rented out our house in Seattle and used that income to live in Athol.  It made for a much simpler and less pressured way of life.  

MH: Living frugally allowed us to live with Kate working part-time. I was able to take 2 years off, and on the days Kate wasn’t working or when my in-laws watched Sam and Annie, my 9-5 job was to meditate.  That was 3 or 4 days per week.  I usually went to IMS.  

 MS: That must have been ideal.  

MH: Some things about it were. I would sit and I’d do walking meditation. I was pretty sick. Sometimes I’d sit or even lay down and do some yoga. It was all in the spirit of mindfulness. When I’d come home that would be equally a practice time. I tried to learn to be mindful in the life that I had. It was really challenging, though, and for six months I felt like I was completely divided between these two worlds, intensive meditation at a retreat center and family life at home.  

KH: And it was hard for me, living with someone who was so much in the present.  Sometimes Mark didn't have the same need as I did to keep the family on a schedule or to get things accomplished. 

MH: The things we’ve been able to do have really been a team effort, from Kate not thinking I was completely crazy then, to the ways we have learned to work out the details of this or that problem now with establishing Bodhisàra.  

MS: When did it start to get easier?

MH: About six months in, after I did a regular residential retreat of nine days I came back and something clicked.  It wasn’t an intellectual insight; a certain mass of resistance just left and the practice felt seamless, wherever I was. In this shift there was a realization that had nothing to do with anything I can explain in words. There was a realization of the truth of the Buddha's teaching of not-self on retreat that freed me up enormously inside and the integration followed naturally.  

Another piece that came along entirely unexpectedly is the Cambodians. Through an unforeseen set of   circumstances I ended up sitting at the Buddhist temple in Leverett. There is something about their practice that is hospitable, gracious, and friendly that informed my vision of this community. Being 

Buddhist is such a communal experience for Cambodians. Even when you’re meditating with your eyes closed, you’re not just trying to get something for yourself, you’re entering into something, you’re participating in something that’s in and through you. It has the genuine feel of something sacred when that happens.  Cambodians have been my teachers of how Buddhist practice can be grounded in relationships and community.  

KH: After three years, we moved from Athol to Shutesbury. We decided to make our home permanently in this area rather than return to Seattle .  Our life here has been wonderful but some of the sweetness of life that we had earlier has disappeared and we feel very rushed. We had been very intentional about wanting to keep our lives simple in Athol, but there have been a lot of challenges to this when we went back to being homeowners and as our children have gotten older. We’re not immune to it at all. There is a sense that we want to take advantages of opportunities.  

MS: What do you imagine Bodhisàra becoming in the future?  

MH: I don't have a clear vision.  I operate from a feeling of what needs to happen next, not a grand plan.  In the near future we need a program for teens.  In the long run we could someday have our own building, but I'm in no rush.  I'd like to have closer contact with the Cambodian community.  The most important thing, however, is people.  In 20 years we’ll be looking at each other and saying, “We’ve had a really rich 20 years together.  We've done something positive for the world together." We’ll be looking at our kids and they’ll be grown up and we’ll say, “We’ve done something right, whether they continue to follow the Buddha's teaching or not.”  

Our goal for young people is not necessarily that they learn to meditate or learn the five precepts, but that they have positive feelings toward Buddhism, that they have a sense of a home in this tradition that is comforting. It's important also that they get a felt sense that the adults thought it was important enough to practice it and share it with them.  I don’t know what that will do.  At some point in their lives, maybe they’ll devote themselves to meditation, or maybe they’ll devote their lives to peace and kindness in a different form. It doesn’t have to look like anything in particular.”  I have faith that wholesome seeds have wholesome results.

A Letter from the Treasurer

Dear Bodhisàra Members and Participants,  

Our annual fundraising drive is still underway! 420 letters were sent out before Thanksgiving this year to those in the area who have been Mark's students in the last 4 years, and 40 households have sent in donations to date.  Donations thus far have ranged from $10 to $750, and any amount is appreciated. Thus far we have raised $3226 toward our goal of $4000.  So, if you have buried your reply form intending to send it in later, your contribution now will help us reach our goal and will be much appreciated. We are recognized by the Federal Government as a 501 (c) 3 non-profit corporation and all contributions to Bodhisàra not for specific services are tax deductible.

In addition, program participants have added extra to their registration fees to support our scholarship fund. Thus far, $390 has been contributed to this fund, which gives us income toward our budget that makes up for those who receive our offerings and are unable to make the suggested donation. Please keep this in mind when registering. By adding a few dollars, we can keep this fund available for all who need it. We are committed to offering the teachings to all regardless of their ability to contribute financially, but the burden of that should be upon all of us and not simply on the teacher. Scholarship fund donations are also tax deductible.

Fundraising, registration fees and dana given at events goes toward the expenses of operating Bodhisàra, such as rent and publicity, as well as providing Mark a housing allowance to support him for the time and effort he gives to teaching. His time includes his preparation and teaching time for the Community Gatherings, the study group, retreats, and special events as well as the administrative work he does - maintaining the database, taking registrations, doing publicity, communicating with members, attending Board meetings, and preparing reports for the Board.  Our original goal last summer was to pay him a housing allowance of $8000 for FY2002. With the addition of the revenues (and expenses) from the Tuesday evening classes in Amherst that Bodhisàra began sponsoring in January, we hope to bring that amount to $12,000 - if we are able to complete our fundraising goal. 

A final word, for now. Please consider making a dàna contribution at each meeting beyond the suggested amount for registration, since even a little helps. Your generosity keeps Bodhisàra connected to the long-standing Buddhist tradition of showing gratitude to the teacher through material support. Our goal is to provide reasonable support to Mark so he can continue his offerings without financial hardship and without having to take on more additional work outside of Bodhisàra then he already has taken. 

Amy Kahn  

What Is Meditation?  Buddhism For Everyone
Rob Nairn, Shamhbala Boston 1999
Book Review by Bob Stover

A scattered mind cannot even accomplish worldly activity so you need a calm mind, especially for dharma activity.                                      - Milarepa

  I found this quotation in a little book I bought on a whim last year at the Buddhist shop in Barre Center .  Since then I have read and re-read this book many times – especially Part Two. It and other experiences opened my mind to the possibility that meditation is the right thing for me. 

Part One of this book is a brief survey of the essential principles of Buddhism: the Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold Path, no-self, dependent origination, the five aggregates, karma, reincarnation, compassion, and the bodhisattva ideal.  Part Two is a brief, wonderfully clear, primer on the purpose and practice of insight meditation.  So brief, in fact, that in order to write this review I reread Part Two fully and carefully in about a half an hour’s time.

Meditation, according to Nairn, “begins as a process of allowing the busy day-to-day mind, with all its agitation, aggression, anger, fear, and anxiety, to slow down and come to rest of its own accord.”  Eventually the scattered mind is left behind and we are liberated from suffering and become more compassionate and wise. 

Meditation begins with an attitude of self-acceptance:  learning to accept everything that is happening within the mind - all of our thoughts and feelings.  This doesn’t mean that we approve of negative mind states such as anger, hate, anxiety and fear but we accept that they cannot be suppressed.  “Where there is acceptance a great strength and flexibility will arise in the mind.  The narrow brittle mind that cannot deal with life will be transformed and a broadness and openness will develop.  This is the beginning of love and compassion.

Meditation and mindfulness are not isolated activities practiced only when we are sitting.  They are integral parts of life all day long.  They can lead to a profound transformation of consciousness.  “There is a clear seeing, and at the inner level, seeing is the action.”   He talks about “direct realization” and gives the example of a person walking into a dark room and picking up what appears to be a piece of rope.  The person realizes that it is not a rope but a snake and with this realization and without the need for thought or deliberation instantly drops the snake.  Mindfulness leads to awareness and understanding.  When the mind truly understands the causes of its sufferings it sheds them without the need for conscious efforts much as the person dropped the snake.  This is why seeing is the action. 

Meditation is a highly alert and skillful state of mind.  It requires one to remain psychologically present and “with” whatever happens in and around one. The consequence of this attention is that you become aware.  “If you persist in this practice you will find that it checks the flow of uncontrolled thought without your having to make any effort to do so, and without suppression.”

On Building Community    

 This is the second  issue of the Bodhisara Dharma Community newsletter and our first time online.  We took the time to create this web site because we see this as a way for our community to flourish--for everyone to know what is happening, to become excited about what is happening, to think about important issues related to our practice, to provide a forum for response, and to feel the support and connection of a larger community, no matter in which activities one happens to participate.         

               Though we do not have a building to call our own, this website can bring us together to share information about what we are doing and what is happening in our lives. We want our site, as well as our community to include a diversity of voices and contributions. In closing, we invite you to consider this partial list of ways you can take an active role in sharing the work of our community:

• Contribute to our quarterly newsletter, sent to our email and mailing list and posted on the website.  We're looking for articles, poems, pictures from our events, community news, and questions on meditation or Buddha Dharma for the upcoming "Ask Mark" column

• Support or contribute to fundraising efforts

• Register for events and classes

• Talk about our community to friends who might be interested 

  As well as providing an opportunity to travel through life together, a sangha such as Bodhisàra offers us a unique chance to support one another in our practice of mindfulness. It is not always easy to find the time to meditate (or to slow down enough to do so). For some of us, just getting to the cushion is hard work. When we see others making the effort and witness the life changing effects, it can inspire us to do the same. Elise Lennon, in a mini dharma talk she shared at one of our Fall community gatherings said, "My morning meditation is practice for the rest of the day." My guess is that I was not the only one who then approached my cushion with greater resolve after her inspiring talk.

Buddhist practice offers us new and healthy ways of being in relationship with each other.We experiment with generosity, compassionate listening, and right speech.We strive to be a sangha in which there is enough trust and commitment to hold both the successes and failures of our efforts.

The sangha gives us hope that the challenges of life are workable. On the evening of September 11th, a group of us gathered to chant, meditate, and send out lovingkindness. After having gone through this painful day in our own individual lives, this sangha gathering, with the intention to simply be together facing a new reality was comforting. 

Youth Program News

by Susan Redditt
Winter 2001 
   

This the fall the youth program focused on the community wide theme of “cultivating inner strength.” At the beginning of each session, children took part in play and learning including informal outdoor games such as capture the flag, soccer, and badminton.

After this warm-up, children looked at ways to cultivate inner strength through the practice of Yoga, Tai Chi, the making and eating of healthy snacks, and the creating artwork They made depictions of ways, they “took refuge” in the context of their own lives, and they shared their images of activities they liked best at the community meetings.

            “My favorite thing about Bodhisara is meditating,” said one of the young participants.

“I liked being active with other kids I know,” an older boy said of his involvement.

 Adults working with young people during these sessions included Lori Tanner, Joyce and Michael Silverstone, Andy Curtis, Elise Lennon, Kate Hart, as well as myself and my husband Steve Braun.

For the next cycle of community gatherings, we are making a general appeal to adults and young people who would like to volunteer or contribute ideas and/or time to help continue this program.

To do this, please call me at 549-4579 or e-mail steve-susan@worldnet.att.net.